22 of the Funniest Things Drill Instructors Have Ever Said

“Oh, you think I’m FUNNY?!”
By G.I. Jobs Staff

7.) Poor Guy

“‘Assume the position!’

We were about to do punishment pushups; I forget why. But we were his first female company… and 80 women shouted ‘Yes, sir!’ very… enthusiastically. And threw ourselves onto the deck. While smiling.

Poor man turned a lovely shade of red and ran and locked himself in his office. No pushups were done because our female CC was laughing too hard and she had to leave the room as well.

From then on, she was the one who ordered us to do pushups.”


8.) Never Laugh

“The drill sergeants did this thing where they would yell ‘Freeze, recruit, freeze!’ We would have to stop whatever we were doing.

As my bunk mate was running back from the showers wearing nothing but a towel the DS screamed ‘Freeze, recruit, freeze!’ My bunk mate tried to freeze on one leg and then fell down, naked, and because he was following orders, just laid there naked. I laughed and my DS called me a cock gazer.”


9.) Private Parts!

“During roll call, there was a soldier who’s last name was Parts, so DS would read out loud, ‘Private Parts! Private Parts! Where is Private Parts?!’”


10.) Food Over Everything?

“Walking by the snake pit when I’m stopped by another MTI who asked if my TI cursed at us. I answered no as they technically aren’t supposed to, but they still do. The MTI then grabbed a banana off my plate and said if I wanted it back I had to answer truthfully. Food being a luxury, and I do love my bananas, I answered yes and he sent me on my way. Later that day in the day room my MTI comes busting in, ‘Which one of you motherf—— sold me out for a g–damn banana?!’”


11.) Vocals on Point

“If you drop your magazine again before putting your safety on I will kick you in the balls and make you sing like Mariah Carey.”


12.) Get Your Head Straight

“The Senior DS had us all bend over at the waist and put our heads between our knees as low as possible. Then he wanted us to all stand up as quickly as possible while shouting ‘POP!’ Once we did that, he said, ‘Congratulations men, you’ve just pulled your head out of your motherf—— ass!”





  1. Julie Demoor E19 US ROTC AIRFORCE NAVY MARINE ARMY August 5, 2018 at 20:12 - Reply

    You didn’t need to wear Makeup Demoor ! Now why are you crying haha! Marine corps drill sergeant.
    Well I’m tired too Demoor, a nap is a dream come true haha
    The funniest one I asked how do you hold your pody for so long, He says DEMOOR you just gotta hold it, well all right go sigh with a smile

  2. Xavier Vazquez February 18, 2020 at 14:09 - Reply

    My RDC could not get my name right and would always call me Valdez (My name is Vazquez). One day during final drill practice, I kept messing up the movements as a stick man. He called me out over and over again to the point where I snapped and corrected him on the pronunciation of my name. “It’s Vazquez, Petty Officer!!!” With our skipping a beat, he ran and got in my face and told me from now on it was Valdez. He made me do 4 count pushups and chant, “My Name Is Valdez, 1. My Name Is Valdez, 2. etc, etc” I went by Valdez til the very ended. What was funny was at the end when they were doing our Recruit Meritorious Promotions, I some how got one and he said my actual name. I walked up and he said, “I said Vazquez, not Valdez. Get back to your rack.” The entire Division spoke and told him my name was actually Vazquez.

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