22 of the Funniest Things Drill Instructors Have Ever Said

“Oh, you think I’m FUNNY?!”
By G.I. Jobs Staff

1.) Ooo, Burn!

“I am going to take a s— in a box and send it to your parents for sending me theirs!”


2.) Future Soldier

“One of our warrant officers took my glasses, drew a crosshair on one of the lenses and introduced me as a ‘future soldier’ to a colonel who was inspecting our training.”


3.) Garden Work

“My battle buddy and I were ordered to dig holes, so when we’re about to our waist he proceeded to turn on a hose. He started to fill the holes with water and told us to stay in the hole. Another drill sergeant walks by and asks him what he’s doing. He says, ‘I’m watering my petunias.’”


4.) The Bedroom Mystery

“We came back from a run one night, it just was starting to snow. We came back to see all our bunks and lockers had been thrown out. I being not the smartest Pvt. said ‘I could have sworn I made my bed’—drill sergeant was behind me. I painted a fence at midnight in the snow for three hours. I almost cried the whole time while painting that damn fence.”


5.) What a Gas Leak

“If I wanted to hear s—, I would have farted!”


6.) You… Uh… I Don’t Know

“We do a lot of aid training, such as CPR, wound healing, exposed intestines, chest hole fix, etc. The fun stuff. In training, one of the steps is to tell someone to call 911. Specifically point at them and direct them. In combat, this switches to pointing at someone to go get the medic.

We were all lined up at our bunks at the end of the day and the drill instructor was talking. The same as you can see in movies like Full Metal Jacket.

As his final words, he is dictating whom is going to do fire watch for the night. Fire watch is basically someone standing at the main door who guards sleeping recruits and also watched out for any fires or anything else that could kill us in our sleep. There are always two people on watch in our platoon of about 60.

He points at one recruit and says ‘You, go stand fire watch in the front.’

He points at another recruit and says, ‘You, get dressed for fire watch too.’

He points at a third recruit. He hesitates because he realizes that he’s already picked two. He suddenly says, ‘You…’ … ‘Go call 911.’

Funniest thing that happened in all of boot camp. He let us all laugh for about 3 seconds and then told ‘alright now… enough’”




  1. Julie Demoor E19 US ROTC AIRFORCE NAVY MARINE ARMY August 5, 2018 at 20:12 - Reply

    You didn’t need to wear Makeup Demoor ! Now why are you crying haha! Marine corps drill sergeant.
    Well I’m tired too Demoor, a nap is a dream come true haha
    The funniest one I asked how do you hold your pody for so long, He says DEMOOR you just gotta hold it, well all right go sigh with a smile

  2. Xavier Vazquez February 18, 2020 at 14:09 - Reply

    My RDC could not get my name right and would always call me Valdez (My name is Vazquez). One day during final drill practice, I kept messing up the movements as a stick man. He called me out over and over again to the point where I snapped and corrected him on the pronunciation of my name. “It’s Vazquez, Petty Officer!!!” With our skipping a beat, he ran and got in my face and told me from now on it was Valdez. He made me do 4 count pushups and chant, “My Name Is Valdez, 1. My Name Is Valdez, 2. etc, etc” I went by Valdez til the very ended. What was funny was at the end when they were doing our Recruit Meritorious Promotions, I some how got one and he said my actual name. I walked up and he said, “I said Vazquez, not Valdez. Get back to your rack.” The entire Division spoke and told him my name was actually Vazquez.

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