Every Jurassic Park film usually involves the same few things. Man creates dinosaurs. Some military-esque dude comes along and tries to use them for war or whatever. Dinosaurs eat man. Sequels inherit the Earth. It’s literally the plot of every single movie but this has us wondering — what would it be like if they just let the military-esque dude actually use the T-Rex in combat?
Sure, dinosaurs are difficult to control or whatever, but there really hasn’t been a compelling reason not to militarize these animals. Okay the entire series is basically dedicated to why it’d be a terrible idea but it’d still be fun to speculate!
If the military managed to get their very own dinosaurs and learned to control them so they didn’t go around killing everyone in sight (genetic modification or wahtever), it could look something like this:
5. Air Force – Quetzalcoatus
Obviously the branch that prides itself on air superiority would have the dinosaurs from the pterosaur family. While many flying dinosaurs existed, most of them were a lot smaller than the films made them out to be.
The Air Force would definitely make use of the absolutely massive Quetzalcoatus, with its 52 ft wingspan and razor sharp beak, as the best way to pluck out enemy ground troops.
Now only if we could find a way to attach a BRRRRRT to one we’d be set.
4. Army – Triceratops
The Army has always been fond of comparing its armored units to rhinos so it would makes sense to bring in their bigger badder, late Cretaceous counterparts: the Triceratops.
It has been speculated that since the Triceratops and the t-rex were both in modern Utah during the late Cretaceous period, the two may have fought for dominance. Just the fact that they could go toe-to-toe with a t-rex makes them worthy of the Army’s attention.
Fun fact: neither of these dinosaurs were from the Jurassic period.
3. Navy – Megalodon
The only dinosaur that could match the domination of the sea is the greatest apex predator of all time – the Megalodon. It was a friggin’ massive version of the modern great white shark.
Fossil records show that this monster could be found in every corner of the world’s oceans and their jaw size meant that they could easily take down even modern whales. It would only make sense that the Navy would use them take down submarines.
If you thought Bruce from ‘Jaws’ was terrifying…
2. Marine Corps – Utahraptor
The dinosaur that best suits the Marines would have to be a pack creature with a keen killer instinct. Since the real life Velociraptor would only come up to about the average human’s kneecap, this distinction goes to the often misattributed Utahraptor.
Unlike the movies, the Utahraptor (and nearly all raptors) were actually feathered – making them more like giant murder chickens than your typical lizard.
A squad of Marines is basically already a pack of raptors so it makes sense.
1. Coast Guard – Mosasaurus
As much as everyone picks on the Coast Guard, they would unarguably get the best dinosaur – the Mosasaurus.
Despite being bigger than freaking buses, these things were only ever discovered around coastlines and there is little evidence that they would have ever bothered going deeper. Just like the modern Coasties.
What better beast could there be to make the Coast Guard intimidating as hell?
This article originally appeared on We Are The Mighty
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