Body Language
Is your body making the right statement? If not, what’s it saying?
by Tom Wolfe

At some point in your life, you will use body language to help you gain power. So will everyone around you – everyone plays the game. We may be aware that it is happening, but not know how to control the situation or make it work to our advantage.

You may have read John T. Malloy’s book “Dress for Success”. He also wrote “Live for Success”. In this book he wrote about the power plays of people, and the related body language. It is quite interesting, because we all do this at some time in our lives. We are playing games. We are very aware of what is happening, but we may not know how to control it. Or, maybe, we don’t know how to get it to work to our advantage.

Here is an example: You walk into a room during a social event and several people are congregated in a group. There is a leader in the group, and everyone is listening to what he or she has to say. That leader is facing the doorway to see who is coming into the room and affording him or her the opportunity to know who is at the event. If someone of importance comes into the room, the leader wants to be ready to acknowledge their presence or engage them in conversation. The leader has command of that room from their station.

If you continue to study this leader, you will begin to notice the body language that is being presented. The leader probably is smiling, standing tall, arms open and gesturing, presenting a self-assured image. He or she also knows that eye contact is important, and will be looking at the person they are speaking to at the time. They do not look beyond the person because it would show disinterest in the person with whom they are speaking. If you were talking to this leader, there is something else you would experience: They make you feel like you are the only person in the room. You are the most important person at that moment.

Take a look around the room. You see people standing by themselves, not speaking to anyone. They have their arms folded across their bodies in a closed stance, a closed body language. Because of this, they do not appear open or receptive to others. They are sending the message that they prefer to be alone and don’t want to engage in conversation.

“Different body languages, different results. Are you aware of your presence, of your body language? Are you open and receptive, or closed?”Remember, it is hard to approach someone who is not smiling. (Then again, it is one thing to be smiling and another to look like you are smirking. No one will walk up to you if you are smirking.) And while eye contact is very important, people will feel uncomfortable if you stare at them. When you are speaking to them, look them straight in the eye and blink, glance away and then quickly look back again. Make sure to blink or you will look like you are staring them down.

Business people are often masters of subtle body language and power plays. They will sit or stand at the right hand of the most powerful person in the room, a position that implies power. There seems to be an unwritten rule that the person on the right-hand side is the second-most powerful person in the room. Try to sit or stand in that position and see what happens! Others may try to move you out of that position if they feel you do not belong there, or you may feel out of place if someone of more importance than yourself shows up.

You can also think about power presence and positioning in military terms. There are positions that are more advantageous for defense and others that are effective for offense. There is also a military chain of command that must be followed. In the business world, there is a chain of command, and people who are trying to position themselves into this chain. It is all a game, and some play it better than others.

Sometimes nature puts people in power positions whether they want to be there or not. You have little or no control over these laws. People who are tall will command more attention, credibility, and authority than short people. Those who have dark hair carry more authority than those with light colored hair. Someone who is broader — not fatter, but broader in their shoulders and chest — carries more authority than a slender person. If a person has a deep voice, they carry more authority than someone with a high-pitched voice. People who have oval or long faces and have symmetrical features are more likely to be trusted, and people feel more comfortable around them. They command more respect because of this.

Body language is very subtle, but people react to it in various ways. It is particularly important when you are presenting to a group. It will determine if people are listening to you or to what your body language is saying. Do not stand with your arms down and your hands clasped in front of you. This is called the fig leaf stance and implies that you are trying to hide something or that you are vulnerable. If you stand with your arms folded across your body, you are tough and you are not going to listen to anyone. If you stand with your hands on your hips, you appear to be giving orders. It is best to use your arms and hands to make small gestures.

In any situation, if you stand up straight and don’t slouch, you will capture the attention of others and gain self-respect.